The transition back to work after maternity leave is an emotionally charged timeframe - particularly for moms who are breastfeeding. Certain phrases can intensify your team member's anxieties even when they're meant with the best of intentions. While triggers will vary from person to person, here's a few that are best avoided along with some safe alternatives to use.

"How was your break?"

This question, along with any variation that might make her maternity leave sound like vacation time, is not going to go over well. Her time away from work was spent recovering from childbirth and caring for a newborn day and night. The mental and physical challenges she faced felt more like an epic battle as opposed to a relaxing getaway.

Say this instead: "We're so glad you're back! How can I help you settle back in?"

"You've lost your baby weight already?!" / "How long until you lose the baby weight?"

Never comment on someone's body - particularly a new mom - even if it's intended to be a compliment. It's nearly impossible to know the full picture of what she's facing in her personal life. She could be struggling with self-image as she navigates her motherhood journey or even be suffering from postpartum depression which affects 1 in 7 women in the US. Instead, keep the focus on supporting her mental wellbeing as she makes the transition.

Say this instead: "How are you feeling about the transition back to work?"

"You look tired." / "You look well rested."

Commentary about sleep can be off-putting for multiple reasons. If she's told she looks tired, she may feel like an inadequate mom for not being able to get her baby to sleep through the night. If she's told she looks well-rested, she could feel like you're diminishing the struggles she's having at home. As an alternative, remind her that you're here to help her balance her role as a mom with the demands of her role at work.

Say this instead: "Let me know if you need some additional flexibility over the next couple months."

"Enjoy every minute." / "Don't you just love being a mom?"

Yes, little ones grow up fast but now is not the time to point it out. Your team member is already facing the reality of being away from her newborn while she's at work and hearing that she should "treasure this time" is only going to add to her anxiety. Additionally, caring for a newborn is hard. When you're cleaning up the third blowout of the day while sleep deprived, lonely, and covered in spit up, it's not exactly a moment you can soak in the joys of motherhood. Phrases like "enjoy every minute" or "don't you just love being a mom?" can make a tough time worse by insinuating there's something wrong with her if she's not enjoying it.

Say this instead: "[Baby's name] is so lucky to have you as a mom and we feel so fortunate that s/he is sharing you with us!"

"You're breastfeeding, right?"

While it may seem like a logical question to ask as you prepare to accommodate her needs, there are other ways of asking this question that are more inclusive. Moms face many barriers to breastfeeding or could simply choose to forgo it for a variety of reasons. Either way, it's best to keep this topic clearcut around intentions.

Say this instead: "Will you need to pump? I only ask to ensure we're accommodating your needs."

Now that you have a better idea of how to navigate conversations with your returning team member, it's important to note that the conversation doesn't have to go perfectly. The most important message to convey to your team member is that she belongs at the company, the work she does matters, and she is valued by you and the broader team.

Looking for more ways to prepare? Check out these tips for managers or our pumping accommodation tips for employers. You can also sign up for our mailing list to receive monthly updates and insights.